Time Warp Pie Style

Ok so because I am about a month behind on my blogging I will tell you about the things that stuck out so we can get all caught up! Okidoki! Um....
Captain was put on a four week leave of work, after several visits to the doctor yielded a big bunch of nothing. They said he was stressed and needed a break. (uh ya) they don’t know my husband much) the first few things he does are... Sign up for the police, the army, the air force, and parasailing. (Well I was included in that last one as it was for my birthday) as I said I am getting you up to speed so keep up!
Parasailing I recommend highly, any weight, height, and chickeness will enjoy. There isn't much to tell because for once in my life I wasn’t scared! (holy crap no way) Yes way, Mrs DDpie’s lily liver card was left at home that day. And I HAD FUN! Ok I will fill you in later with pics if I can ever figure out how that works.
The rest of the time Captain has been dragging me around finding paper work and calling people just in case he gets in the armed forces. Because if he does he will be gone for five months and he would like me to stay here. Oh great no friends no family, wonderful. So I post on facebook my situation, and asked if someone would be so kind as to come stay with me for a while in the event this does happen. I say rent free, free food, all the DDpie time you could want. So pretty much I offer the chance to move here for free and stay free...and no one took me up on my offer. I am so lame that people turn down a free stay in paradise. (oh ego booster right there!)
And the rest of the time Captain cancels the cable because it was bad, Netflix was my best friend. Also Captain has been dragging me to the mall to see movies and yell at me for not buying things. Ok if a small hangs off of my non existent shoulders and a large cant hide my pooch, I am not in the shopping mood! So my dear old hubby got to play lots and lots of video games. And watch a lot of movies, That is until a week ago when he went back to work, and yesterday when we got Direct TV. Ok I think we are all caught up. The fine details of what has gone on recently will be posted soon along with a made for Scared-ish List (long)short story Eight To Gabhan. If I can figure out how to do this. Thanks

DD pie on a Jet-Ski

Captain and I awoke on his first off day after his return to work, with little plans for the day. When I entered the shower we had only plans to help our neighbor move his mom. When I exited the shower apparently we had plans to go jet ski riding. Oh, I didn't mention my pain level had been on the rise and was very high that day. Also I am not the strongest of swimmers, a two year old has better odds than I do in a water emergency! To be honest, I didn't want to go at all, and to be even more honest, I still didn't want to be there when we were getting onto an inflatable matchbox of a boat! Sometimes Kiddos DDpie wishes she could say no and not feel like the biggest jerk Bword in the world. Advise time, Locals get big discounts on everything, and visitors get huge savings if you agree to watch a timeshare video online and take a survey about it.
Where was I? Right the boat takes us out to the (I cant think of the word right now but) "floating jet-ski base" far off shore where we are to pay and learn how to use a jet-ski. The guy at the counter asked if we want pictures to document my awaiting torture, and of course I mean why wouldn't I want further proof of my limits. But I tried to buck myself up, right until Captain informed me that I would be driving the jet-ski at some point. (Driving a car is horrifying, but now a floating motorcycle that is powered by a propeller that will cut Captain's arm or leg off if I make a mistake, wonderful!) Then after our very short intro to jet-skis we get handed life vest, mine ended up being way too big ( I am 5'1 in heels on a good day) I asked about it two times and was reassured. Then after posing for pictures that I swear I tried to smile for, we were off on our jet ski into the unknown.
Advise time again, if you have headaches, migraines, or anything that hurts you should take lots of Tylenol with you if you ever attempt this. The water was so choppy that we would fly in the air only to come down right on top of another wave, I am ashamed to say that I cried on the back of a machine that was specifically designed for fun. Captain has some hearing loss from the army, not that you can hear anything at the speeds we were going, but he thought my crying was laughter and kept woohooing! That sweet man didn't know I was hurting until he slowed down to hear my answer to a question. I begged him to forgive me for always ruining his fun. To that he smiled and kissed me, then told me I was his best friend and just doing anything together makes him happy. (oh I know im a big jerk right?) So I strengthened my resolve and determined myself to have fun.
And I did, well in between the times I was crying that is. Ok the way to switch drivers is to have one person go to one side and the other to the other side. That went smooth every time, but my first time driving not so much. I chickened out and made him drive again. A couple minutes later I decided that I had enough of sitting back there and I was going to drive!!! And I did, and it was fun, I am a much better driver than Captain. PS we fell off three times, all when he was driving (yes! I am the victor). Remember that lifevest I mentioned? Well it was over my ears while I was in the water and if I had relaxed my arms I would have slid out of it. Unfortunately the way to get out of the water is on the back where the propeller is, which according to my knee is very sharp.
Advise time again again, DO NOT wear a bikini bottom while doing this, Let just say that those behind me got a good view of “the moon”

Oh Captain My Captian :(

     
So this was a while ago and the reason I haven't been updating, Captain was pushed to days because of an incident on his last night on the graveyard shift. I get a call from his phone around three in the morning. My usual "Hey" was answered by a woman asking if this was Captain's wife. (For any wife there are very few reasons you can think of when a woman is calling you from your husbands phone) Needless to say she had my attention. She very calmly told me that she was Captain's boss and he had been taken to hospital. he was having chest pain and could not breath. Let me just sum up my situation... Walmart is in Kahului, about 45 minutes away from where I am (alone) which is Kula, the boonies of Maui, I have no car and the only person i know who has a car is Captain. (AAAHHH) We arrange a ride for me to the hospital. Let me tell you something that was the longest drive of my life! I finally get there and they wont let me in or tell me anything. When I finally see him the big fat jerk is on a gurney behind a curtain sleeping with his eyes open... ( He does that a lot, its gross and creepy. Just another left over from his army days) I couldn't wake him up and the nurses wouldn't tell me anything! So and hour goes by the doc comes in and tells me they gave him something for dizziness and told me it was vertigo. (Which in ER ligo means they don't know whats wrong but here are some pills to get you to your doctor later) I just realized how much I just wrote, sorry fast forward to the end.... He is OK but has been ordered to a couple days of rest at home. (Like that is going to happen)