Here's the Not So Skinny

This has nothing to do with anything, however, ehemm.... Mrs DDpie can now walk a mile! Yes, take that body, you thought you could keep me down with pain and fat. But I kicked your Butt! WOOHOO! (rocky dance)


Captain's birthday is next month, and he is going to be the big 3 0. Know what that means? ...That's right kiddos, no more army possibility. Don't tell Captain but (thank you God) Oye is that a load off of my mind. I must admit I am sad that I will never see him in fatigues for certain, Ahem things. I'll just have to find old pictures of him when he was in the army, with those sexy birth control glasses.

The new thing has been interviewing for a position on the police department.

(I know, I know, Hawaii 5-0)... ((Hey!))

He went to the interview, and according to the police chief was the best candidate they had interviewed in the whole process. When asked, if he pulled a car over for speeding and the driver happened to be his wife, would he give her a ticket, Captain looked them in the eye and said yes! (true)

They told him he was able to use discretion with family, then asked knowing this would he still act the same to which he smiled and said, yes!
Well even with the overwhelming favor being thrust at him, Captain declined the position when they asked for a 25 year commitment. (uh ya, not happening) Three years was going to be a stretch!

Haha, The Chief shook Captain's hand at the end and told him to go home and look up the word discretion! (will never happen)

Well, with that a bust we are going to moving again! Where to next, who the heck knows. But I know it, will always be an adventure!
.....................

Ps the cop uniform and the cuffs would have been awesome for those, Ahem things as well!

Time Warp Pie Style

Ok so because I am about a month behind on my blogging I will tell you about the things that stuck out so we can get all caught up! Okidoki! Um....
Captain was put on a four week leave of work, after several visits to the doctor yielded a big bunch of nothing. They said he was stressed and needed a break. (uh ya) they don’t know my husband much) the first few things he does are... Sign up for the police, the army, the air force, and parasailing. (Well I was included in that last one as it was for my birthday) as I said I am getting you up to speed so keep up!
Parasailing I recommend highly, any weight, height, and chickeness will enjoy. There isn't much to tell because for once in my life I wasn’t scared! (holy crap no way) Yes way, Mrs DDpie’s lily liver card was left at home that day. And I HAD FUN! Ok I will fill you in later with pics if I can ever figure out how that works.
The rest of the time Captain has been dragging me around finding paper work and calling people just in case he gets in the armed forces. Because if he does he will be gone for five months and he would like me to stay here. Oh great no friends no family, wonderful. So I post on facebook my situation, and asked if someone would be so kind as to come stay with me for a while in the event this does happen. I say rent free, free food, all the DDpie time you could want. So pretty much I offer the chance to move here for free and stay free...and no one took me up on my offer. I am so lame that people turn down a free stay in paradise. (oh ego booster right there!)
And the rest of the time Captain cancels the cable because it was bad, Netflix was my best friend. Also Captain has been dragging me to the mall to see movies and yell at me for not buying things. Ok if a small hangs off of my non existent shoulders and a large cant hide my pooch, I am not in the shopping mood! So my dear old hubby got to play lots and lots of video games. And watch a lot of movies, That is until a week ago when he went back to work, and yesterday when we got Direct TV. Ok I think we are all caught up. The fine details of what has gone on recently will be posted soon along with a made for Scared-ish List (long)short story Eight To Gabhan. If I can figure out how to do this. Thanks

DD pie on a Jet-Ski

Captain and I awoke on his first off day after his return to work, with little plans for the day. When I entered the shower we had only plans to help our neighbor move his mom. When I exited the shower apparently we had plans to go jet ski riding. Oh, I didn't mention my pain level had been on the rise and was very high that day. Also I am not the strongest of swimmers, a two year old has better odds than I do in a water emergency! To be honest, I didn't want to go at all, and to be even more honest, I still didn't want to be there when we were getting onto an inflatable matchbox of a boat! Sometimes Kiddos DDpie wishes she could say no and not feel like the biggest jerk Bword in the world. Advise time, Locals get big discounts on everything, and visitors get huge savings if you agree to watch a timeshare video online and take a survey about it.
Where was I? Right the boat takes us out to the (I cant think of the word right now but) "floating jet-ski base" far off shore where we are to pay and learn how to use a jet-ski. The guy at the counter asked if we want pictures to document my awaiting torture, and of course I mean why wouldn't I want further proof of my limits. But I tried to buck myself up, right until Captain informed me that I would be driving the jet-ski at some point. (Driving a car is horrifying, but now a floating motorcycle that is powered by a propeller that will cut Captain's arm or leg off if I make a mistake, wonderful!) Then after our very short intro to jet-skis we get handed life vest, mine ended up being way too big ( I am 5'1 in heels on a good day) I asked about it two times and was reassured. Then after posing for pictures that I swear I tried to smile for, we were off on our jet ski into the unknown.
Advise time again, if you have headaches, migraines, or anything that hurts you should take lots of Tylenol with you if you ever attempt this. The water was so choppy that we would fly in the air only to come down right on top of another wave, I am ashamed to say that I cried on the back of a machine that was specifically designed for fun. Captain has some hearing loss from the army, not that you can hear anything at the speeds we were going, but he thought my crying was laughter and kept woohooing! That sweet man didn't know I was hurting until he slowed down to hear my answer to a question. I begged him to forgive me for always ruining his fun. To that he smiled and kissed me, then told me I was his best friend and just doing anything together makes him happy. (oh I know im a big jerk right?) So I strengthened my resolve and determined myself to have fun.
And I did, well in between the times I was crying that is. Ok the way to switch drivers is to have one person go to one side and the other to the other side. That went smooth every time, but my first time driving not so much. I chickened out and made him drive again. A couple minutes later I decided that I had enough of sitting back there and I was going to drive!!! And I did, and it was fun, I am a much better driver than Captain. PS we fell off three times, all when he was driving (yes! I am the victor). Remember that lifevest I mentioned? Well it was over my ears while I was in the water and if I had relaxed my arms I would have slid out of it. Unfortunately the way to get out of the water is on the back where the propeller is, which according to my knee is very sharp.
Advise time again again, DO NOT wear a bikini bottom while doing this, Let just say that those behind me got a good view of “the moon”

Oh Captain My Captian :(

     
So this was a while ago and the reason I haven't been updating, Captain was pushed to days because of an incident on his last night on the graveyard shift. I get a call from his phone around three in the morning. My usual "Hey" was answered by a woman asking if this was Captain's wife. (For any wife there are very few reasons you can think of when a woman is calling you from your husbands phone) Needless to say she had my attention. She very calmly told me that she was Captain's boss and he had been taken to hospital. he was having chest pain and could not breath. Let me just sum up my situation... Walmart is in Kahului, about 45 minutes away from where I am (alone) which is Kula, the boonies of Maui, I have no car and the only person i know who has a car is Captain. (AAAHHH) We arrange a ride for me to the hospital. Let me tell you something that was the longest drive of my life! I finally get there and they wont let me in or tell me anything. When I finally see him the big fat jerk is on a gurney behind a curtain sleeping with his eyes open... ( He does that a lot, its gross and creepy. Just another left over from his army days) I couldn't wake him up and the nurses wouldn't tell me anything! So and hour goes by the doc comes in and tells me they gave him something for dizziness and told me it was vertigo. (Which in ER ligo means they don't know whats wrong but here are some pills to get you to your doctor later) I just realized how much I just wrote, sorry fast forward to the end.... He is OK but has been ordered to a couple days of rest at home. (Like that is going to happen)

Sorry One person who looked at this by accident!

So I've been in a non updating mood, my life had some bumps in it and Im still reeling from them. So my dog that I've had since seven or eight, (very old lady) died the day before my mother went in for open heart surgery. All while I am an ocean away in Maui. After that, stuff just keeps bothering me, little things... I don't think I process things very well any more. Being in a dark bedroom for years, unable to even dream of a normal existence, kinda zaps those skills right out of you. Plus months of bra shopping yielded two bras that are too big (never go shopping with a husband who is tired of hearing about you bra problems) you'll end up with whatever he sees you in! Or not in :) I promise to return happy and peppy soon! (getting there already)

Blah Blah!

I am so sorry I kinda exploded in the last post, that topic always gets me down. So ya Mrs DDpie is kinda blah lately but I spring back rather easily, so WATCH OUT! (just not today because I'm still feeling blah)

           So Captain comes home from work this morning around 9, and informs me that he will be getting off early because he has arranged a basketball game and meet with some of his staff. Which is fine, but Captain is the type of man who thinks he has told you something weeks ago and in reality he hadn't. (describes pretty much all men)

             And I had just perfected my routine too! I stayed up as late as possible so that I would be sleeping while he was and not walking on my tipity toes to not disturb his rest. He later went on to tell me the rest of our itinerary for what is now today... so it is not 2:39 and I need to sleep, get up, and dressed by 7, then on the DMV to change Captains license, I am still afraid of driving (go figure) so I wont be doing the same. But I would like an ID that says I am older than the age I look. ( I cracked 15 the other month so that's awesome) then off the the state police we go. What's that, Mrs. DDpie is a fugitive? (only from reality Baby) No! Captain want's to apply for a job! Can you tell Captain is a fly on a whim, wing it type of guy?

       Then the last thing is a trip to the local college. Apparently I am going to be attending soon. Unless they have classes from 6pm to 10am, I'm not sure how that is going to work! But what the heck do I know? So we will see if any of these things happen, they usually don't if the word “plan” is ever mentioned in the briefing.

AAAHH The People Are Attacking!

So it has been, I don't know like a week or more since I arrived here in Maui. Sleeping days and being awake nights makes time go by all wonky. And it is getting kind of lonely. I don't know if you've figured this out yet but people scare me. They are all strange and stuff!
Actuality looking at me you would never know that. If fact most people think I am a snob just because I say few words and smile and look them in the eyes. (what is wrong with that?) In reality I am sweating bullets, my social anxiety grabs my throat and pinches my brain stem so only single syllable words mumble out of my mouth. Or giggles emerge when nothing funny was even remotely in the vicinity.
Oh, it is even worse when I meet people I like, this is me on the outside. Hi, nice weather and such, oh my name? Blah blah! (smile and leave). This is me on the inside, OH MY GOSH SOME ONE IS TALKING TO ME, WHAT ARE WORDS AGAIN? THIS PERSON AND I WOULD GET ALONG(I think), I WANT THEM TO LIKE ME. WHY WOULD THEY? JUST SHUT UP! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT, YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT. JUST SMILE AND WALK AWAY!

I want friends but I am so scared of having them. I have moved around a lot and with Captain that is not going to be changing anytime soon. So I never had that group of friends, if I did it was at school, then they would stop liking me for some reason. When I finally tried making friends of my own, they led me down the wrong path and stole not only years of my life but also my stuff! I was in college at 17 and made some friends, (I thought at least) then once I got sick all but one vanished. The one guy I was hanging around, told me “well I don't want to get sick” when I informed him that I was! That hurt! So I don't know how to tell those who are going to be good friends from those who are going to be not necessarily bad friends but those that will hurt me.

Don't get me wrong I have good friends now mainly very far away at the moment but they are there! I learned along time ago that it is quality not quantity, when it comes to friends. :)

advise time for me kiddos.....

How to talk to people?

Any thoughts?

So what is the point? I write and no one, not even Captain has looked at my blog. Thank you one person in Alaska!
Anywhoosle all the things that I read say just keep writing, (if you post it, they will come) so thats what Ima doin! If SCARED-ISHLIST catches on then fantabulous, if not then I still have something to do while Captain is at work right?
That way I dont have to sit alone in the “semi” darkness, eating away my boredom. (which I may or may not have done earlier)
So what have we learned...Captain always tells me to speak up, (he does have hearing loss though) SO SPEAK UP I SHALL!!! although I'm not sure about what, but oh it will be spoken!

Ahh The Horror of the night WITH NO COMPUTER!

Oh Captain My Captain! Continued....

Captain stole the only computer we have at the moment (his laptop), with the excuse of “I need it for work”. He should have thought about that before I wrote a to be continued post! Geez.
Ok first timers to the ocean... Quick Information Time, ocean water is nasty! Thanks again person who is supposed to be telling me these things. Ya its gross alright, but it gets worse. Yes Mrs. DDpie gets even dorkier, I have a deviated septum, which means water, air, pretty much everything gets up my nose and into my sinuses, lungs, and I swear my brain. The water kept getting in my nose and running down my throat, uck, agony! I would just get the water out of my nose in time for another wave to smother me. I swear I almost died like 17 times. Captain meanwhile laughed until a wave hit him straight in the face and water got in HIS nose. Hah, you tell me there isn't a God!

Speaking of things that get everywhere, expect sand in every crevass and nook. Yes ladies, your bathing suit bottoms start up a nice collection of sand for themselves. And your top um... gets nice and heavy as well. I am sure its worse for “well gifted gals”. Meanwhile guys board shorts let all that sandy goodness in. And you get to hear them complain about it, while you sit in silence embarrassed because you feel worse and don't need to hear how they think they're “making a pearl”

Well after being awake for over 24 hours, then a long drive to the beach, about an hour of fun in the ocean, it was time to see the place I would now call home. Which was forever away (only about 20 minutes) but still it was like hours until we got into our new place. A one room studio furnished with only a bed and a tv on the floor! Woohoo, the lap o' luxury! It is actually very nice, and in a good neighborhood, so over all I am pleased. I do wish we had something to sit on besides the floor because I just learned, that during the rainy seasons the houses become infested with ROACHES! If Mrs. DDpie had a nemesis it would be the gross, disgusting, and yes scary roach! I have been trapped in the shower by a roach it was on the bathroom floor and staring at me, I had no chance of survival. (my big sister had to come and save me) So recap, ocean water gross, sand a uncomfortable side effect, men are gross, and roaches are the worst thing that happens to me!

Oh, Captain My Captain!

If your lucky enough to have love or are searching for it right now, let me tell you there is nothing worse than being apart from the one who makes you whole. (sentiment)

First, let me drop some knowledge on those who plan to fly to warm tropical destinations... as the plane descends to land it passes through where the cool air you've been flying in, meats the hot air you are flying into, the plane freaking shakes like its falling apart. “uh there is a little turbulence folks” does not suffice how about “hold on to your nuts!” or “don't worry your not dying” Before I fell ill I was a frequent flier into Arizona, going back every summer for years, and that crap never happened. Ok the plane I was on once, was struck by lightning but still this falling out of the sky feeling is worse. To those who knew about this let me just say, WHY THE HECK DIDNT YOU TELL ME?

Anywhoosle. Coming down that escalator and seeing my love Captain crouched on his heels awaiting the arrival of his beautiful bride (fantasy), was the best thing ever. The feeling didn't last long , however, because the nice short dress I changed into was caught up in the breeze hurling through the open air baggage claim at the Kahului airport. So instead of embracing Captain, I had to embrace my not so tiny hind-end to keep my goodies from showing. FUN FUN! Good times!

So after that we get in the car and Captain wonders out loud why I don't have my bathing suit on. “I didn't know I was supposed to” I wondered back. Apparently he had planned out our day of lunch and then a nice dip in the ocean. (FYI I grew up in AZ, there is no ocean, so after a 3 am trip to the airport, then nine hours of planes and terminals, this would be my first time in the ocean) so I get to change into my suit in the car on the way to eat. ADVISE TIME if your ever in Maui try some local “grind” at Maui Tacos. Mmm Hawaiian twists on classic Mexican food, a must. To be continued....bah bah bah bahhhhh!

DD pie on a plane

Ya ya I know its been a few days but, catching up with Captain is a bit more fun than slaving over a hot computer. So time to catch you up on all the things that I lived through these past few days.

So kiddos advise time before anything else...

When you are packing your carry on bag for an eight hour or more flight to a popular tourist destination on a family holiday like say “Memorial Day” bring an extra change of clothes with you. Now ill tell you why...

First let me say to parents who fly with children, KEEP YOUR KID FROM KICKING MY SEATBACK please. The small plane ride to my connection in Seattle, was perfect the child behind me was so sweet and her father was reading her facts about flying and making me laugh the whole way. Bravo strange father who sat behind me and payed attention to his child. Unlike the mother and grandmother of the little girl who was sitting behind me kicking me for six hours. She was not told once to stop even though it was obvious what she was doing. Most people would have said something, however I am a chicken and thirty scenarios played through my head before I could say anything, all of them ending badly!

Oh right change of clothes. So planes recycle the air in the cabin, what this means is any “stink” or “smell” a person makes is circled around the plane over and over. Ok now imagine that every other three seats is occupied by little ones. Cute as they are they tend to get stinky after a few hours, especially the ones in diapers. By the end of the flight I smelled like a rinsed out and reused dirty diaper. Lucky misfortune had taught me to bring a spare set of clothes, so I was fresh as a daisy in fertilizer after changing in a airport bathroom, just before meeting Captain.

Tonight's the night, Crack of Dawn's the time!

Well Captain's work arranged my flight so YaY for me I get to drive two hours to the next closest airport. Plus my flight leaves at 6 am, and the way our airports work I get to be there two hours early. What does that mean kiddos? Yep, Mrs. DDpie gets to leave for the airport before 4am.

                        Semi Advice Time, but not really…

            I am leaving this evening and heading out to a hotel close to the airport, so I can take a nap get up and ready with out rushing and the added stress on my body that a long car ride right before an eight hour flight would bring.

            Wish me *good luck*, on my long flight and pray that I don’t get lost in the airports!

            By for now,

                                    Something clever I still haven’t thought of!

T-Minus 7 Days->

  

Mrs. DDpie, is about embark on, not the hardest, nor the scariest, but yes the most exciting adventure in her life! Which it turns out has been really hard and scary, so far. For all of those who do not know when you move over seas, and well have no money, you do not have the luxury of taking your things with you.

            I have just shipped our boxes, which consist of only the bare necessities, (mainly my clothes and shoes), and a huge box of Captain's x-box, blue ray player, and movies. So as I said the “necessities” J
                        Ok ADVISE TIME!!!
                                                I had a total of four boxes the average of 22x14x10 and the largest was 50lbs, Fed EX, UPS, and others wanted over $500! Fine for some people, however I only had $200, and Captain was all the way in Maui… so USPS to the rescue!
BTW! The post office will help you with heavy loads if you drive around back and ask for help. I used “parcel post” to ship everything. Plus added $100 insurance to each box for around $2.30 each, for a total of $172. My stuff will arrive about three days after I do so I kept all the essentials out to take in a suitcase. If you need it faster “priority mail” will get it there for a bit more.

            That’s all this time,

                                    Something clever I’ll think of later!

Start-------->

So I had a whole post welcoming everyone and explaining... Ooops, It wasnt here when I came back to post today so yay I get to redo all the work. eh... its ok I enjoyed it the first time... so here we gooo! agaaan!

  Something clever that I'll think up later!