AAAHH The People Are Attacking!

So it has been, I don't know like a week or more since I arrived here in Maui. Sleeping days and being awake nights makes time go by all wonky. And it is getting kind of lonely. I don't know if you've figured this out yet but people scare me. They are all strange and stuff!
Actuality looking at me you would never know that. If fact most people think I am a snob just because I say few words and smile and look them in the eyes. (what is wrong with that?) In reality I am sweating bullets, my social anxiety grabs my throat and pinches my brain stem so only single syllable words mumble out of my mouth. Or giggles emerge when nothing funny was even remotely in the vicinity.
Oh, it is even worse when I meet people I like, this is me on the outside. Hi, nice weather and such, oh my name? Blah blah! (smile and leave). This is me on the inside, OH MY GOSH SOME ONE IS TALKING TO ME, WHAT ARE WORDS AGAIN? THIS PERSON AND I WOULD GET ALONG(I think), I WANT THEM TO LIKE ME. WHY WOULD THEY? JUST SHUT UP! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT, YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT. JUST SMILE AND WALK AWAY!

I want friends but I am so scared of having them. I have moved around a lot and with Captain that is not going to be changing anytime soon. So I never had that group of friends, if I did it was at school, then they would stop liking me for some reason. When I finally tried making friends of my own, they led me down the wrong path and stole not only years of my life but also my stuff! I was in college at 17 and made some friends, (I thought at least) then once I got sick all but one vanished. The one guy I was hanging around, told me “well I don't want to get sick” when I informed him that I was! That hurt! So I don't know how to tell those who are going to be good friends from those who are going to be not necessarily bad friends but those that will hurt me.

Don't get me wrong I have good friends now mainly very far away at the moment but they are there! I learned along time ago that it is quality not quantity, when it comes to friends. :)

advise time for me kiddos.....

How to talk to people?

Any thoughts?